Current statistics show that about half of the families in the U.S. are recoupled in some way, shape, or form. Blended families are becoming a more common concept in today’s world.
While no family is exempt from issues or conflict, blended families face unique challenges. Many of these issues won’t arise until after the family is formed. Understanding what to expect can help ease the transition going forward.
Difficulty Sharing Parents’ Attention
When a blended family forms, the number of children in the household is likely to increase. A child who has one sibling of their own may now have two additional step-siblings. The issue then becomes having to modify and share the attention they receive from their parent.
Not only is their time now being divided among four children, but there may also be some territorial feelings that their parents’ time should be theirs first over the non-biological children. Depending on the age of the children involved, this newfound need to share can be rather difficult.
Resolving the issue will require time and patience. You will all need to work together and give each other grace during the adjustment. Initiate conversation and provide reassurance that all the children are important. Encourage your children to express their feelings and be honest about what bothers them. You can’t fix something when you don’t know the details.
Be mindful to split your time evenly among all the children to reduce feelings of favoritism. Both parents should go to activities of each child to show collective support. When you spend time with them individually, make sure you give them quality interaction.
Sibling Rivalries
Creating a blended family can also create competition between the children. Most families have some level of sibling rivalry, but with non-biological siblings, it can be a little different and more intense.
To best address the situation, understand that there will be this rivalry and maybe even a fight or two. Try to redirect their efforts into competing with themselves rather than with their siblings.
Give them praise when interacting positively with each other and reinforcing good behaviors. Also, never compare the children to each other or make comments insinuating that one should be more like the other.
New Authority Role
When a parent starts dating someone new, once the novelty wears off, it’s common for children to view them as a friend or comrade. Once the family becomes a blended unit under one roof, the role has to shift to a more authoritative one, which could create identity issues.
You should first have a conversation with your significant other to determine how you want to address the situation, ensuring you’re both on the same page before discussing it with the children. Then, set a list of household rules to make the transition easier.
You’ll want to address how the rules will be applied and the consequences of breaking them. You both also want to act in a united front with all of the children.
Difficult Family Bonding
Joining two families together can be a walk in the park, or it can be somewhat stressful. Backgrounds, children’s ages, dynamics, and family culture all play a role.
When the children aren’t comfortable with each other or one of the parents, it can make family bonding difficult. There can be somewhat of a divide between the separate families even once you’re under the same roof.
It’s important to remember bonding won’t happen overnight. You need to allow time for new memories to be made, relationships to be formed, and a new normal to set in.
If you’re still struggling with creating a good flow in your family, professional help is always an option. Reach out to learn more about how couples therapy can help support you.
